hatredfire

hatredfire @ 2007-12-13T15:12:00

2007-12-13T23:17:26Z

It's odd being back online like this, I feel disoriented not knowing how to post a entry, I have been out of touch with many of you for far too long, I am sorry for that. I have been busy at school, and soon I too will have an actual job, that will be taking away all my free time. Again I want to apologize particularily to Jen, becuase for a while I didn't respond to your phone calls. The reason being that I knew you just wanted to hang out together, but I had other things that needed to be done. I still should have replied to you, and I am sorry that I stopped talking with you.

hatredfire @ 2004-03-03T09:31:00

2004-03-03T18:25:04Z

Warning I am bored and found qiuzes guess whats going to fill this page with. QUIZES!

Angst. You are an angel of angst. Once one of
water. But your depression has caused you to
become an outcast. You love to be by yourself,
as it helps you think. You have always, and
always will wonder what has gone wrong. Your
soul has been shattered, and your wings are in
peices. But that's just you. You spend your
days searching for something. Not someone.
Though you don't know what you are looking for.
You don't even remember who you are. And are
always trying to find that person, yourself,
your soul. Which seems to have been misplaced.

But. When you find what you are looking for, it
will become clear. All tragedy will be ripped
from your wings, and your true colours will
show. And then, you are the most powerful of
them all.

Hang on, keep looking for it is there. Just try not
to loose all you hope and become nothing. For
you are truly beautiful.

What Type Of Angel Have You Become?
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fun fun

Mors

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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What ever
boredom sucks

You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

"And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
the world."

Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
The Goddess is associated with the concept of
creation, the number 1, and the element of
earth.
Her sign is the dawn sun.

As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
individual and people are drawn to you.
Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
distant, you are deeply in tune with other
people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
have because they're always willing to help.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
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Your Kagome! you like to hang out with your friends
and are always the first person to volunteer to
show a new student around, you are kind and
giving and enjoy having a occasional sleep-over
with the girls!

What Inuyasha Character are you?
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yippeee

Suicide! (and you know it, so... dont u have
something to do?)

Choose your Dramatic Death (Now w/pics!!)
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HEhehehe.

Rain: You are the sound of rain. You have two
important sides. There is your strong, powerful
side and your calm, gentle side. Both are very
important. Rain also reflects a bit of darkness
in your personality. It isn't bad, just shows
that along with the good, you also can see bad,
which can come in handy. (please rate my quiz)

What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
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You're the fire fairy. You have a horrible temper,
and show it quite often. You like to scare
people, cause it makes you fell good. Just try
to be nice to people, it won't hurt you,
honest!!!

what kind of fairy are u?
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I'm bored get the message yet.

hatredfire @ 2004-03-02T12:52:00

2004-03-02T22:01:20Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Hmm. I was being bitchy in english today I just wanted to be in pain or watch someone else suffer. I wanted to see blood, mixed in with tears. I didn't care whos. Mine would have been fine but someones.*sigh* I controled myself, for the most part the mask slipped and showed some of my anger but nothing big.

hatredfire @ 2004-03-02T08:31:00

2004-03-02T16:32:20Z

Which Family Guy character are you?

weee

hatredfire @ 2004-03-02T08:03:00

2004-03-02T16:18:04Z

You belong in another of my worlds. The world of
self-destructive tendencies, either through
actual physical destructiveness or emotional
breakdowns that you keep bottled up inside,
thus hurting yourself. You feel that life is
nothing but pain, and you see red in everything
with the memories of the blood you have
bled(literally or figuratively) for your
hurting. You live in a hidden land that few
will ever understand or see in you, because you
keep it to yourself and only let a few rare
people into the truth of your reality. Er...I
don't condone my own actions, so I really don't
know what else to say. Of course, you could
also just REALLY like blood....or you might be
homicidal, not suicidal. ^_^;

Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
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Hehehe

That was great and very true. I keep what I see change it to what it might represent usualy in a way that will cause me the most grief. Strange how it works that way, don't you think. I try to let more people see how I live but it just doesn't work. The people who understand it the best are the ones who live there as well but some still don't get it. Or at least what it has done to me. The only person at the school I go to that understands me at least some would be Jen. Because no one else sees who I really am. Because I hide it from myself when I am around others and I can erase. Still always absorbing more pain and suffering that just sits there driving me insane. Making my emotions so cold filled with hatredfire. I did not chose that name for nothing. Talking was never my strong suit but its hopless to even try when no one understands and they then take it wrong. Making things even worse than before I say anything at all. Everyone at school just sees my mask, my happy mask. Letting me forget about all the pain for a while. But the pain has been leaving me. Now I just hide under my mask. No one knows who I really am here. Others think they know me and keep discovering knew traits about me that are the exact opposite of me when I am at school. Or anywhere else with people. So yeah I would say this quiz is some what accurate.

hatredfire @ 2004-03-01T09:15:00

2004-03-01T17:30:17Z

You are the Goddess of Earth. You are very stable
and dependable since the Goddesses rest apon
you. You are very materialistic. Somtime cold
and distant, but that might be because you need
to get what needs to be done, done. But yet you
are everyone elses strength. You are the most
Stable of the Goddesses, since without you the
other Goddesses would not exist.
Other Earth Goddesses: Ceres, Cerridwyn, Demeter,
Gaia, Persephone, Epona, Kore, Mah, Prithivi,
Rhea, Rhiannon

Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
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That does fit me but I also was expecting something else. I don't know. Something is missing. Its almost as though I have split myself up into different parts and now I hide those parts of me from everyone. For example I sometimes feel such anger but I never show it. I don't think I have ever seen myself truely angry. But I feel it bubbling but then just think in a corner alone and it calms down. But that feeling comes faster and faster with every time. I don't know. I hope I don't attack someone too strongly soon.

hatredfire @ 2004-02-29T10:59:00

2004-02-29T19:00:18Z

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
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I think that is very accurate and just down right scary at how accurate this test seems to be. Looking at others results.

hatredfire @ 2004-02-27T20:15:00

2004-02-28T04:17:17Z

Your Heart is Black

What Color is Your Heart?
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Venting

2004-02-28T03:43:13Z

I do not wish you to have to listen to this nonsense any longer. So just don't read this because right now this is the only kind of vent I have. But I leave it up to you to read it or not.

Well I was watching Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers, and a part of what Eowyn said caught my attension. "I am not afraid of death nor pain". It's just interisting, I guess I am like that. Then she says she is afraid of a cage. I am afraid of being a burden to others. I do not wish to trouble others with my problems. I cannot stand being weak. Just someone who needs help with everything. I can't stand it. I just thought was interisting. I help carry everyone elses burdens but ignore my own. Even the burdens of those who caused my own. I hide the way I feel even from myself so it will be easier to ignore and hopefully forget. But it won't leave me in peace.

WHY

2004-02-27T01:01:42Z

Yippe doo fucking day! I have a live journal who would have guessed lets see how well I can just screw it up. What fun now I can get the depression that no one sees out of my system or at least confront it or some crap like that. Just to warn everyone now this isn't going to be cheerful. I will be amazed if anything I write in here will be HAPPY. That or spelled correctly so if you don't like it. WHY the fuck are you reading this. GO burn in hell until you lose what ever is left of your sanity.

WHY do people have to suck. No why do they have to be just complete assholes. No why the FUCK can't I just be happy. Life for me is okay right now.

Why does my past come and attack at every chance it gets. I start to get it under control, but it STILL hurts, it hurts so much. Its simply maddening. I can't take it. Every mother fucking day it hits. Most days it never stops. Just there corrupting my mind poisening my heart. Which wasn't in the best shape to begin with. Again why must people suck. WHY can't I just die. So easy then I don't have to deal with any of you assholes any more. Sorry sorry that was going a little far. I love you guys. I mean come on man. Last night I even dreamt about the past. I woke up CRYING for screaming out loud! I NEVER cry. I would rather just be burned or cut into untill I bleed. NO better yet just die. But no. I won't do that I'm to smart to just put myself out of my misery. I don't care that other people have it worse. I just want my emotions to leave me the fuck alone. I can't have a minutes peice.

I love the asshole. If not as a significate other than as a friend I can't just ignore him. I don't see how all of you can. Its just so heartless. He is a friend who is in pain. It also gives me something to think about. Probably not a good thing. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WON'T MY FEELINGS JUST DIE AGAIN. ITS NOT HARD JUST BURN AWAY OR MELT AWAY WHAT EVER.

I don't know how often I dream about him but last night I had two dreams that I was aware of at all. He was in both of them. I woke up crying. CRYING. THats just not right. Oh well. Its time to put my happy mask on so I can at least try to stop thinking about this. But I still think things will be so much easier if I just die. I mean I don't really have anything to live for. I'm surprised I'm still alive actually. But I won't kill myself not now. Most likly never will. So damn. I don't care. I live for others I don't care about myself not much. I care about their pains. Ignore mine. I plan on using this journal to deal with mine. I deal with mine so I might not need my happy mask. I put it on to be strong for others. So they in turn can be strong knowing someone cares. It hurts so much. My chest just starts to burn on the inside when ever I think of him.

Enough of this crazy babble. Goodbye