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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in hatredfire's LiveJournal:

    Thursday, December 13th, 2007
    3:12 pm
     It's odd being back online like this, I feel disoriented not knowing how to post a entry, I have been out of touch with many of you for far too long, I am sorry  for that.  I have been busy at school, and soon I too will have an actual job, that will be taking away all my free time.  Again I want to apologize particularily to Jen, becuase for a while I didn't respond to your phone calls.  The reason being that I knew you just wanted to hang out together, but I had other things that needed to be done.  I still should have replied to you, and I am sorry that I stopped talking with you.
    Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
    9:31 am
    Warning I am bored and found qiuzes guess whats going to fill this page with. QUIZES!


    HASH(0x8a3ffb4)
    Angst. You are an angel of angst. Once one of
    water. But your depression has caused you to
    become an outcast. You love to be by yourself,
    as it helps you think. You have always, and
    always will wonder what has gone wrong. Your
    soul has been shattered, and your wings are in
    peices. But that's just you. You spend your
    days searching for something. Not someone.
    Though you don't know what you are looking for.
    You don't even remember who you are. And are
    always trying to find that person, yourself,
    your soul. Which seems to have been misplaced.

    But. When you find what you are looking for, it
    will become clear. All tragedy will be ripped
    from your wings, and your true colours will
    show. And then, you are the most powerful of
    them all.

    Hang on, keep looking for it is there. Just try not
    to loose all you hope and become nothing. For
    you are truly beautiful.


    What Type Of Angel Have You Become?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    fun fun

    mors
    Mors


    ?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
    brought to you by Quizilla


    Artistic
    You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
    poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
    creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
    Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
    also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


    What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    holding hands
    hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
    contact with your special someone but you don't
    want to take things too quickly.


    What Sign of Affection Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    What ever
    boredom sucks


    godd
    You are Form 1, Goddess: The Creator.

    "And The Goddess planted the acorn of life.
    She cried a single tear and shed a single drop
    of blood upon the earth where she buried it.
    From her blood and tear, the acorn grew into
    the world."


    Some examples of the Goddess Form are Gaia (Greek),
    Jehova (Christian), and Brahma (Indian).
    The Goddess is associated with the concept of
    creation, the number 1, and the element of
    earth.
    Her sign is the dawn sun.

    As a member of Form 1, you are a charismatic
    individual and people are drawn to you.
    Although sometimes you may seem emotionally
    distant, you are deeply in tune with other
    people's feelings and have tremendous empathy.
    Sometimes you have a tendency to neglect your
    own self. Goddesses are the best friends to
    have because they're always willing to help.


    Which Mythological Form Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Kagome
    Your Kagome! you like to hang out with your friends
    and are always the first person to volunteer to
    show a new student around, you are kind and
    giving and enjoy having a occasional sleep-over
    with the girls!


    What Inuyasha Character are you?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    yippeee


    Suicide
    Suicide! (and you know it, so... dont u have
    something to do?)


    Choose your Dramatic Death (Now w/pics!!)
    brought to you by Quizilla

    HEhehehe.


    HASH(0x8ad6df8)
    Rain: You are the sound of rain. You have two
    important sides. There is your strong, powerful
    side and your calm, gentle side. Both are very
    important. Rain also reflects a bit of darkness
    in your personality. It isn't bad, just shows
    that along with the good, you also can see bad,
    which can come in handy. (please rate my quiz)


    What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
    brought to you by Quizilla


    Ladybug
    You're the fire fairy. You have a horrible temper,
    and show it quite often. You like to scare
    people, cause it makes you fell good. Just try
    to be nice to people, it won't hurt you,
    honest!!!


    what kind of fairy are u?
    brought to you by Quizilla


    I'm bored get the message yet.

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: none
    Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004
    12:52 pm
    The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
    Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
    LevelScore
    Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
    Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
    Level 2 (Lustful)Low
    Level 3 (Gluttonous)Moderate
    Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
    Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
    Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)High
    Level 7 (Violent)Very High
    Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
    Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

    Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test



    Hmm. I was being bitchy in english today I just wanted to be in pain or watch someone else suffer. I wanted to see blood, mixed in with tears. I didn't care whos. Mine would have been fine but someones.*sigh* I controled myself, for the most part the mask slipped and showed some of my anger but nothing big.

    Current Mood: predatory
    Current Music: none
    8:31 am

    Which Family Guy character are you?

    weee


    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: none
    8:03 am
    You belong to the world of the self-destructive.
    You belong in another of my worlds. The world of
    self-destructive tendencies, either through
    actual physical destructiveness or emotional
    breakdowns that you keep bottled up inside,
    thus hurting yourself. You feel that life is
    nothing but pain, and you see red in everything
    with the memories of the blood you have
    bled(literally or figuratively) for your
    hurting. You live in a hidden land that few
    will ever understand or see in you, because you
    keep it to yourself and only let a few rare
    people into the truth of your reality. Er...I
    don't condone my own actions, so I really don't
    know what else to say. Of course, you could
    also just REALLY like blood....or you might be
    homicidal, not suicidal. ^_^;


    Where do you belong?(ANIME IMAGES)
    brought to you by Quizilla


    Hehehe

    That was great and very true. I keep what I see change it to what it might represent usualy in a way that will cause me the most grief. Strange how it works that way, don't you think. I try to let more people see how I live but it just doesn't work. The people who understand it the best are the ones who live there as well but some still don't get it. Or at least what it has done to me. The only person at the school I go to that understands me at least some would be Jen. Because no one else sees who I really am. Because I hide it from myself when I am around others and I can erase. Still always absorbing more pain and suffering that just sits there driving me insane. Making my emotions so cold filled with hatredfire. I did not chose that name for nothing. Talking was never my strong suit but its hopless to even try when no one understands and they then take it wrong. Making things even worse than before I say anything at all. Everyone at school just sees my mask, my happy mask. Letting me forget about all the pain for a while. But the pain has been leaving me. Now I just hide under my mask. No one knows who I really am here. Others think they know me and keep discovering knew traits about me that are the exact opposite of me when I am at school. Or anywhere else with people. So yeah I would say this quiz is some what accurate.

    Current Mood: hopeful
    Current Music: nothing
    Monday, March 1st, 2004
    9:15 am
    Earth Goddess
    You are the Goddess of Earth. You are very stable
    and dependable since the Goddesses rest apon
    you. You are very materialistic. Somtime cold
    and distant, but that might be because you need
    to get what needs to be done, done. But yet you
    are everyone elses strength. You are the most
    Stable of the Goddesses, since without you the
    other Goddesses would not exist.
    Other Earth Goddesses: Ceres, Cerridwyn, Demeter,
    Gaia, Persephone, Epona, Kore, Mah, Prithivi,
    Rhea, Rhiannon


    Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
    brought to you by Quizilla


    That does fit me but I also was expecting something else. I don't know. Something is missing. Its almost as though I have split myself up into different parts and now I hide those parts of me from everyone. For example I sometimes feel such anger but I never show it. I don't think I have ever seen myself truely angry. But I feel it bubbling but then just think in a corner alone and it calms down. But that feeling comes faster and faster with every time. I don't know. I hope I don't attack someone too strongly soon.

    Current Mood: aggravated
    Current Music: other keyboards
    Sunday, February 29th, 2004
    10:59 am
    goodbroken
    Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
    an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
    one reason or another - possibly, you made one
    tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
    maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
    commit. In any case, you are faithless and
    joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
    acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
    days are a burden and you wonder when the
    hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
    sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
    picture. You are the one that few understand.
    Those that do know you are likely to love you
    deeply and wish that they could do something to
    ease your pain. You are constantly living in
    memories of better times and a better world.
    You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
    self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
    you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
    your tainted nature, your soul is
    breathtakingly beautiful.


    *~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
    brought to you by Quizilla


    I think that is very accurate and just down right scary at how accurate this test seems to be. Looking at others results.

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: system of a down
    Friday, February 27th, 2004
    8:15 pm
    Info Black
    Your Heart is Black


    What Color is Your Heart?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Current Mood: amused
    Current Music: you don't get to know
    7:28 pm
    Venting
    I do not wish you to have to listen to this nonsense any longer. So just don't read this because right now this is the only kind of vent I have. But I leave it up to you to read it or not.


    Well I was watching Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers, and a part of what Eowyn said caught my attension. "I am not afraid of death nor pain". It's just interisting, I guess I am like that. Then she says she is afraid of a cage. I am afraid of being a burden to others. I do not wish to trouble others with my problems. I cannot stand being weak. Just someone who needs help with everything. I can't stand it. I just thought was interisting. I help carry everyone elses burdens but ignore my own. Even the burdens of those who caused my own. I hide the way I feel even from myself so it will be easier to ignore and hopefully forget. But it won't leave me in peace.

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Current Music: none
    Thursday, February 26th, 2004
    4:33 pm
    WHY
    Yippe doo fucking day! I have a live journal who would have guessed lets see how well I can just screw it up. What fun now I can get the depression that no one sees out of my system or at least confront it or some crap like that. Just to warn everyone now this isn't going to be cheerful. I will be amazed if anything I write in here will be HAPPY. That or spelled correctly so if you don't like it. WHY the fuck are you reading this. GO burn in hell until you lose what ever is left of your sanity.

    WHY do people have to suck. No why do they have to be just complete assholes. No why the FUCK can't I just be happy. Life for me is okay right now.

    Why does my past come and attack at every chance it gets. I start to get it under control, but it STILL hurts, it hurts so much. Its simply maddening. I can't take it. Every mother fucking day it hits. Most days it never stops. Just there corrupting my mind poisening my heart. Which wasn't in the best shape to begin with. Again why must people suck. WHY can't I just die. So easy then I don't have to deal with any of you assholes any more. Sorry sorry that was going a little far. I love you guys. I mean come on man. Last night I even dreamt about the past. I woke up CRYING for screaming out loud! I NEVER cry. I would rather just be burned or cut into untill I bleed. NO better yet just die. But no. I won't do that I'm to smart to just put myself out of my misery. I don't care that other people have it worse. I just want my emotions to leave me the fuck alone. I can't have a minutes peice.

    I love the asshole. If not as a significate other than as a friend I can't just ignore him. I don't see how all of you can. Its just so heartless. He is a friend who is in pain. It also gives me something to think about. Probably not a good thing. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WON'T MY FEELINGS JUST DIE AGAIN. ITS NOT HARD JUST BURN AWAY OR MELT AWAY WHAT EVER.

    I don't know how often I dream about him but last night I had two dreams that I was aware of at all. He was in both of them. I woke up crying. CRYING. THats just not right. Oh well. Its time to put my happy mask on so I can at least try to stop thinking about this. But I still think things will be so much easier if I just die. I mean I don't really have anything to live for. I'm surprised I'm still alive actually. But I won't kill myself not now. Most likly never will. So damn. I don't care. I live for others I don't care about myself not much. I care about their pains. Ignore mine. I plan on using this journal to deal with mine. I deal with mine so I might not need my happy mask. I put it on to be strong for others. So they in turn can be strong knowing someone cares. It hurts so much. My chest just starts to burn on the inside when ever I think of him.

    Enough of this crazy babble. Goodbye

    Current Mood: Angry at Myself
    Current Music: evanesence
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